Are you reluctant?
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Take it away Sandy…
.When Amy asked me to write a post for her blog, I immediately thought about her beautiful photography and how mine doesn’t compare to hers. It doesn’t even come close! But that’s okay because I have a secret that I want to share with you today.I’ve learned to NOT compare and get all hung up on what others do.
When it comes to living out our passions, we have to figure out what makes us tick or what inspires us. And then as we learn to let go of the imperfect, which often robs us of our potential, we embrace the freedom to be ourselves and move forward with confidence and clarity.
By the way, have I told you how much I adore Amy? We’ve seen each other 3 times this year.– BlissDom, Napa Valley, and Park City. We still have 2 trips planned later this Fall. I appreciate the friendships I’ve made through Blog-land. I’ve learned so much from some very special ladies! (Love you, Amy! Thank you for having me here today.)
Anyway, I just wrote a book released this week, The Reluctant Entertainer, and it encourages women to be real with their entertaining. It offers great wisdom to those who get caught up in the comparison trap and gives savvy entertaining ideas.
Since Amy asked me to talk about my book, I thought I’d share my “Best Strawberry Bread” recipe that is featured in the back. Yes, along with wisdom, advice and ideas for the reluctant entertainer (anyone will enjoy this book, even the seasoned entertainer), I have some very yummy, tried and true recipes …
I went to my strawberry patch last night, as it’s growing thin now, and picked these beauties. I just love how the little white blossom fell into the bowl right as I was finishing up.
My daughter helped wash, stem and slice up the strawberries and we added some raspberries to create a more unique flavor
Mixed together and tossed it in the oven.
I love making extra loaves for my neighbors.
And then a large loaf for the family.
Hospitality is about helping others to feel warm and welcomed. It’s not about being the perfect family or entertainer. And to me, on this night, it was also about sharing a loaf of bread with our neighbor.
Do you struggle with “perfect” or the comparison trap, to where it stops you from inviting others in?
** True confessions: When I made this bread I forgot one simple step. Make sure and add the berries at the last, and then mix the batter by hand. It’s much better with chunky bites of fruit!
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Thanks Sandy! This looks delicious. Can’t wait to make it, and soon! I think I may have almost all the ingredients on hand too.
And guess what?!? One person will be randomly selected to receive a copy of The Reluctant Entertainer, by my friend, and guest, Sandy Coughlin. Just leave a comment answering Sandy’s question above…
Do you struggle with “perfect” or the comparison trap, to where it stops you from inviting others in?
OR share a tip for no stress entertaining.
Can’t wait to hear comments and ideas!
***Be sure to leave your comment before Wednesday, August 4, 2010 midnight PST. One comment (entry) per person. Winner will be randomly selected and announced sometime on Thursday, August 5, 2010.
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By the way, if you’re looking for an easy peasy chicken recipe, that would be a perfect compliment to Sandy’s yummy bread, check out this guest post I did for Tasty Kitchen where I tried out a recipe for Lazy Chicken. It’s easy and tasty! Tasty Kitchen is a great place to find all sorts of recipes and you can join (for free & no strings attached) to submit your own favorites to share with us all!
:•)
I have often struggled with the perceived need for perfection and comparing myself and my home to others. (My sweethearts ex-wife and her incredible talent for decorating a home comes to mind…what a waste of my energy that was!)
Finally I realized that I was shortchanging myself. I was missing out on so many opportunities to share laughter and good food with friends.
Now I embrace the opportunities when they come, relish the idea of trying new recipes to share with people. I tell myself (as I am preparing a feast using recipes I’ve never tried making before) that the worst thing that can happen is that we all get a good laugh and we order pizza.
It’s liberating, really it is!! Try letting go and just having fun. Your guests and your family will remember the laughter and not the one spot you forgot to dust or that your dishes don’t match.
By the way….we’ve yet to order pizza and we’ve had a really good time!!
This bread looks so good, and I will be adding it to my ‘must make soon’ list. Thanks for sharing. I am really looking forward to adding the book to my collection 🙂
I struggle with comparing myself to others and it’s a trap I feel like I’m always trying to avoid. I’m a work-in-progress! : )
I’m not a “reluctant” entertainer, but I do struggle with the compulsion to make everything PERFECT. The house has to be perfectly clean, the table has to be beautiful, the food has to be perfect…even the kitchen has to be cleaned (which is hard if you have just made a meal for people). I look forward to checking out her book – I would love all the entertaining tips I can get.
Uh, a daily struggle for me, both in entertaining and the rest of this thing we call life. I still entertain a ton, I won’t let it hold me back, but almost every meal set on the table is accompanied by an apology of some sort (even before the first bite!), which I hate but have to figure out how to stop. This looks like a great book! (and yummy bread!)
I’m worst than reluctant. I am so busy with all the things I want to do, that I often forget to stop and enjoy the company of my friends and family. So what if the house isn’t picked up or I started the dishes a little later than I should have to be ready for my guests. It all works out, I keep telling myself. But I am a little slow to realize my own advice.
Good luck with the book.
Sandi
The clean house thing has been my downfall. One day a friend stopped by (after calling me to give me warning, at which point I cleaned like crazy until she arrived) and she made a comment that I could never come to her house because she could never have a house as clean as mine. That was a shot in the heart…and a wake up call. I learned that my cleaning compulsion was hurting friendships. So now I actually do not clean up when someone calls to say they will stop by (OK, so I don’t clean as much as before). It feels pretty good to show people how we really live every once in a while.
I agree with Julie about feeling like the house needs to be cleaner in order to entertain. It seems like there is not enough time to get everything done so I just put off having people over.
By the way, the bread looks yummy! I love quick sweet breads – they are one of my favorite things to eat!
I’m a reluctant entertainer. I used to struggle with comparison. I’ve found, though, that since two of my children are grown with one married I am much more comfortable just having people over spur of the moment. Yes, I run around like a mad woman stashing things and straightening up. (I like a little bit of warning!) But in the end I enjoy myself so much more now. There are still a few women I would have a hard time inviting over, but I’m definitely improving.
The bread looks delicious! The book looks like something I need to read. Thanks.
Okay, here’s what bugs me. When I first moved to this town, I made my favorite chocolate cake from Gourmet Magazine and took it to my Bible study group. I had made it many times, it’s a terrific recipe, and it has never let me down. But because the first thing I cooked for my new friends was actually delicious, suddenly I got a “reputation” for being a “good cook” (shudder). The sad truth is that most of the things I cook are only mediocre at best, but I feel like everyone expects me to produce something fabulous. I’ve put myself under so much pressure to perform. Should I move away and start over? I fear entertaining because I will forever be competing with myself and that darn chocolate cake. I sure hope Julie’s book covers the imposter complex I’ve developed.
I struggle with the perfection trap. One way for stress-free entertaining is to have a potluck once in a while. Everyone gets to bring a dish to share, and the hostess isn’t on the hook for the whole dinner.
I’m not afraid to admit that I’m recovering from an eating disorder right now, and I do still have issues with comparing with others. My desire to be thin always sprung from comparing with the other, thinner girls around me, rather than models. I would always like to serve my sister food because I felt that if I served her more than I served myself, she would eat more and therefore gain more weight than I did. It’s heartbreaking how cruel and twisted that sounds to me now, and I wish I could stop comparing, and I wish I could stop hurting others with my comparing. Comparing is inevitable, but sometimes you just have to let it go.
BTW: I live in China. Does that mean I can still enter the giveaway?
Wei-Wei
As moms I think we all struggle with that on some level
I have one particular friend that is happy to tell you when you aren’t being perfect. Because of that, for a while, each time I planned an evening at my house, I had to either be sure everything is going to be exquisite, or to plan a group that wouldn’t cross paths with her. Recently, I’ve come to be more confident in my imperfections. I now have the courage to tell her that I tried my best, and that everyone else seemed to enjoy themselves. She still comes with snippy comments, but I let them slide over me rather than obsessing about them on the next event. I think of sprinkles on ice cream – they would never look delicious neatly placed in lines! The imperfections of their placement are what make them so yummy!
congrats on your book, sandy! i’m thrilled to say that i knew you when. 🙂
Yes, I always stressed over everything and sometimes avoided having people over. Then I hit 50 and realized people want to enjoy you no matter if things are perfect or not. I no longer cared about perfection. Guess I learned what was really important. If you feed them, they will come. Makes for a very relaxed atmosphere. Makes lots of memories.
I do struggle in this area. On several levels. First, when I do have people over, I get overly obsessed with perfection. I go all out – stress myself out – and my husband. It’s not fair to him or me, or my guests, and it’s something I need to work on. In another way, I compare my skills to others. Cooking. Baking. Photography. With all the amazing competition out there it’s easy to get discouraged, but this was a great reminder that it’s time to stop comparing, and just do the best that you can with what God gave you.
Thanks!
I struggle with the comparison trap way too much! I want my house, yard, kids, & life to be perfect (which I deep down in my heart, I know isn’t possible!). I can go over to someone’s house and think “man I’m a really bad housekeeper, mom, wife, etc…. But I am trying to work on this issue. There are some things I am great at 🙂 I’d love to win this book.
I am not a great cook, so having people over for a meal can be pretty stressful!
I definitely worry about any events that we host being “perfect,” especially since my husband’s family gets together at our house for big holidays (e.g. Christmas) and birthdays, and who wants to mess up someone’s Christmas??? Since having my little girl, I’ve gotten better with realizing that everything can’t be perfect, but that doesn’t mean I don’t try (or that I don’t worry about it anyway!).
I would love a copy of Sandy’s book! Thanks for the opportunity to win!
We have people over quite a bit, including every Sunday for church and a potluck. I’ve gotten used to folks being in and out, and it doesn’t stress me out as it did many years ago. I think writing down everything that needs to be done and checking it off is a good idea for not forgetting an important item. Doing most things ahead of time can definitely eliminate stress before company arrives.