Real women eat homemade salsa too.

Ever have a comment made by someone pop up in your mind years later? Followed by a conversation with yourself wondering why you didn’t think of a better retort, or maybe it totally leads down another train of thought altogether?

I had one of those moments yesterday. Not sure what triggered it. Well, yeah, I kinda do know. I think it may have been thetomatoes.

A few years ago I took a batch of homemade salsa straight from our garden (because I like growing tomatoes, ya know?) to a get-together. When I mean “straight from the garden,” I mean oh-no-I-forgot-we-had-to-take-food-to-the-get-together-and-I-don’t-have-a-lick-of-groceries-thank-goodness-I-like-growing-tomatoes straight from the garden. Seriously, the salsa was so fresh it was a tad warm from the tomatoes having just being picked, with no time to refrigerate. It was fresh indeed.

As a few of us were standing around chomping on the snacks, a couple of people asked about the salsa ingredients, et cetera. And one woman, a sweet dear friend, followed with “Oh, you must be a real woman,” in reference to the fact that I made the salsa from the tomatoes and vegetables I grew all by myself, with my own bare hands.

It was a tad bit awkward, and more than a bit ironic that I was impressing someone due to my slackness. I quickly answered with my explanation that I had not planned well and homemade salsa was all I had as a go-to.

Martha I am not. But I can grow tomatoes and run a food processor. All by myself. With my own bare hands. The hands, apparently of a “real woman.”

But it got me thinking…I thought we were all “real women”? Of course, I mean, those of us reading this, that are, in fact, women. Maybe I’m out of the loop and there are some women out there that are not “real.”

But if by “real woman” you mean chasing my tail amidst a frenetic schedule of appointments and activities, which contribute to forgetting to plan dinner ahead (once again) and having to order pizza or eat cereal…

Or constantly battling mountain high laundry and then having to wear the underwear at the bottom of the drawer – the ones you hate because they ride up your left cheek – because you’ve been too busy to keep up with the laundry…

Or having fashion dilemmas, the kind that involve Spanx or wearing closed-toe shoes because your toes look like hell…

If that (and much, much more) is what it means to be a “real woman,” then oh yes, by all means, I am definitely, most positively a real woman (homemade salsa or not). And from what I can tell, I’m in some pretty darn good company.

Seriously, the point is that we’re all real women, regardless of where our salsa comes from.

So tell me, what makes you a real woman? I gotta know.

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  1. 1

    Tickled Red says

    Oh Yea, Real woman here (both hands held high)!! Driving to school in my pj’s and a shirt two days un-fresh, making my son pump gas so people will not see them woman. As for snarky… I don’t why women do it either especially when you are trying so hard to be nice to them at a party, with your fantastic homemade off the vine salsa. Keep being real girlfriend…there are those of us who appreciate it :)

  2. 2


    OMG, I love, love, love this post! Because it is soooo true! We all forget to plan dinner in advance, we all have THAT pair of underwear and wear those close-toed shoes. And you know what, what makes you real is not having thought of that comment right at that moment. Who can think of something to such a snippy remark at the exact moment it was retorted? Not me and not most women! That makes you real and wonderful! :)

  3. 3

    Debbie says

    Oh yeah, this hits home for me. I’ve made a dish from what’s in my cabinet or fridge b/c I didn’t have a chance to go to the store. The underwear at the bottom of the drawer and the closed toe shoes, been there too. I think when a snarky remark comes, we’re too shocked by it at the moment to respond in kind.

  4. 4


    probably the real-est woman you know. I know that’s not a word but I am real and much older that most of y’all. Why would someone be that snarky. “I beg your pardon” is usualy my response. Life is way too short for snarky people.

    You are reminding me of my mountain of laundry…….oh well maybe tomorrow!!

  5. 5

    Angien24 says

    Love this post! SOO true! Thanks for keeping it “real”, because I’m most definitely a real woman. Just yesterday I was digging through the clean laundry pile at the end of my bed so I didnt have to wear that pair of underwear in the bottom of my drawer. I think the snarky comments come from people who feel inadequate in our ‘real’ presence. That’s some great looking salsa by the way. =D

  6. 6

    MAC says

    Oh my gosh, I just wore my “closed toe shoes” this past weekend! LOL! And if it weren’t for getting some laundry done today I’d have been wearin’ that bottom-of -the-drawer underwear tomorrow! ;-)Nice to know I’m in such good company.

    I bet Ms. Snarky was jealous of your accomplishments! Not sure why she couldn’t appreciate your kindness? Or why she couldn’t have been more supportive. Shame on her.

    I have black thumbs….plants shake with fear when I walk up to them! So I live vicariously through all you gardeners. So envious.

  7. 7


    I totally get this. I get slack from people who think I have it all together because I have lists and lists that I attempt follow, and plan meals and organize coupons and sales and run my own business and homeschool my 3 children. I do this so I can attempt to save a bit of sanity by the end of the week. So they of course think that I am the most organized woman of all.

    Ya right, I’m WEARING those underwear!

  8. 8

    Patty says

    Just found your site from a link that was posted on another. Today’s entry is a pretty good indication that we’ll get along just fine. ; )
    Because I cook “real” food, and like to bake from scratch, I’ve encountered similar comments, but as has been mentioned, am not good at responding in the moment. Doodles’ reply is probably the best way to go.
    While I’ve faced all of the issues you mentioned, my nest is empty, my hubby is retired, and so life is moderately less frantic.
    Pure jealousy is the only reason I’ve ever come up with for those sort of snippy comments. Even as adults, we females are so mean/competitive/judgmental toward other women.
    Amy, now that you’ve blogged about it, perhaps you’ll be able to let it go once and for all.
    That salsa looks divine (love the bowl as well). Any chance you’ll post the recipe?

    • 9


      Hey Patty and everyone!

      I wanted to make a sure everyone knows that I replied immediately to the comment when it was made. I’m not holding on to any grudges or any hateful thoughts – I simply recalled the comment while I was prepping our garden and dreaming of fresh salsa.

      It’s not about the comment or the woman who made it, it’s about us all being “real women” no matter where our salsa comes from.

      ~ Amy

  9. 10


    Piled dishes and laundry and sitting at my computer too long! LOL.

    I think we’re all real women. :) Those are the ones I relate to the best!

    Great post, friend!

  10. 11


    BTW, I’m picking out my tomatoes now to plant in our garden!

    I can’t wait. I’m going to make more salsa this year.

  11. 12


    What makes me a real woman? The mountain of laundry to put away (mountains, actually) (I just wrote about that tonight, in fact); the sixty pairs of shoes by the front and back doors that refuse to put themselves on the shoe racks that are in both areas; the pile of clean baking pans on the stove that don’t have a real home in my kitchen; the kid sleeping on the living room couch along with me because there were roaches in our bedroom; the extra dining room table in our dining room covered with old newspapers that need to be recycled; but most of all my kids that had dinner tonight and went to bed knowing that I love them.

  12. 13


    Dirty clothes, dirty dishes, no kitchen so we’re eating out a LOT lately, boxes of “kitchen stuff” all over the house, unmade beds, and forms I forgot to fill out. But, I remembered to play a game with my son, read a book so I can talk about it with my daughter (she has to read it for school and hates it) read aloud with my son (he reads a chapter, then I do), skip dinner and go directly out for ice cream dessert, drive with my daughter and her girlfriend with the top down singing along with Taylor Swift…
    Yes, I’m a real woman. Sometimes too real. : )
    Now, how does one make salsa???

  13. 14

    Teri says

    Hi Amy!
    Love this post.
    Obviously Ms Snarky isn’t comfortable in her own skin and tries to spread her misery. Too bad.
    Too bad we can’t just celebrate and support our individuality too.
    I bet your salsa was a big hit though!

  14. 15

    Meghan says

    I really enjoyed reading that. It’s very frustrating to me when I see people (women seem more prone to this) picking at each other because of their differences. If one woman stays at home with her kids, she shouldn’t look down on the mom who works. And if one woman works, she shouldn’t assume that the stay-at-home mom has it easy. If one woman cooks most of her meals and another uses her stove as extra storage for shoes…well, they’re both women who are using their kitchen how they want to use it.

    It just frustrates me to hear women make snarky remarks like she did. And, by the way, I love homemade salsa. Have you tried pioneer woman’s recipe?

  15. 17


    What makes me a real woman? Putting on the pair of capris that I got out of the laundry hamper because I went to my granddaughter’s birthday party and didn’t get around to doing laundry. Washing the colander that was still sitting in the sink from draining spaghetti noodles the night before so I can wash and cull the strawberries for fresh strawberry shortcake. Sitting on the porch with hubby enjoying the fresh air and a beautiful sunset instead of doing dishes. Reading a novel by my favorite author instead of worrying about an unmade bed or some dust on the floor. Yep! I’m a card-carrying member of the “REAL WOMAN CLUB” and I’m so proud of my membership. Amy, be sure to post the salsa recipe…I wanna make it!

  16. 18

    Patrice says

    I think being a “real woman” doesn’t mean being perfect, extremely organized, or making the best dressed list.REAL WOMEN ARE CAPABLE! I think being capable is something that is escaping folks in our society. There are so many things that people used to routinely do in history that today’s folks have no clue about.I have met so many women who do not cook. I could understand not cleaning and would even consider relinquishing my membership to the “real woman” club to have a maid!:)

    I took a meal to someone in our neighborhood and left a bag of baby lettuce with it. When I asked if they enjoyed the meal I was surprised to find that she had not used the lettuce and tossed it because “she did not know how to make a salad with it.” I had no idea that opening the bag would be that challenging.As I got to know this person I found that she did not know how to do anything except what she did at work. I felt bad for her.

  17. 19

    Leslie says

    The thing that makes me a real woman is the fact that I don’t think like a male.

  18. 20


    If that’s what it takes to be a ‘real’ woman, I guess I am one! Yay! (she types while trying to wiggle out of a wedgie) Hey, you are definitely keepin’ it real with this post and I love it.

    I have to go do a ‘real’ load of laundry now.

  19. 21


    LOL! I feel like you’re post is taken straight from my diary! Cereal. Pizza. Shoes. Underwear. That’s my life! In fact, I experienced the underwear issue just yesterday. Hate it. But I’m too busy to do anything about it :)

    I think a real woman is someone who is free to be herself, not influenced by what society says is acceptable. She is open to change, flexible with the craziness around her, but still steady and strong in who she is. She knows her strengths and weaknesses and works accordingly. She’s confident, solid, and isn’t afraid to eat a gallon of ice cream if she’s stressed. She doesn’t feel like a failure in the face of a mountain of laundry, and pizza and cereal are always on the menu!

  20. 22

    Lauren S. says

    Oh that’s too funny about the underwear on the bottom of the drawer that you only go to if everything else is in the laundry…the kind of underwear the “rides up your left cheek”…well said Amy! Why do we even hold on to stuff that doesn’t make us absolutely shine (even on our behinds!).

    I think real woman are the ones that learn to simplify and take life less seriously. I think real woman are the ones that can whip up a fresh salsa at the last minute because you’ve been in the trenches before and you’ve proved that you can manage in those moments with what you have on hand. Real women don’t try to be perfect…imperfection is so much more interesting anyhow.

    So let me go clean up my imperfect house, but not too much, and make a warm pot of soup for some visitors that are arriving later in the day. A warm smile, a big hug and some comforting food will let them know I care. A perfect woman, no, a real woman, yes. Which one makes you smile more?

  21. 24


    Now you see, I thought I commented.

    I love this post. I love fresh salsa. I love that you grow tomatoes. I miss my garden.

    A real woman is someone who appreciates and understands real beauty and the importance of quiet time and true love and real friends.

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